we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I FOUND THE LEGS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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