my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
