i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
