3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I CAN MOONWALK!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
