You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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