can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
