At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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