I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
