on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
