I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
