I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
