we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
