I look better un-naked...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
