Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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