After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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