I'm really into asian looking animals
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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