South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
