plz talk dirty to me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
