I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
