He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What a dumb baby whore.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
