Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
