I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
