I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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