On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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