mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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