You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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