I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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