My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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