so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this just has baby written all over it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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