I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
