Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
