what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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