never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
