Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
