My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ttyl tear gas
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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