I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
