I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
