i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
