I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
