Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there is puke in my bra ... again
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