the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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