I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
