Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Damn victory sex feels great
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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