I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
