He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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