theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
