I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
