No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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