I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are the jesus of drinking
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
