Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ok first of all what the fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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