Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
me + whiskey = a bad person
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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