OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
