i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
