How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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