Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can Purell be used as lube?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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