OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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