there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
