I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
