If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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