Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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