if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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