There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
