Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
