I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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