So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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