U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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