I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
