Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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