You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Less talking, more tequila
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
