Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
